Cinematic Titanic Wiki
CT05 - Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
CT05 Title.jpg
Release Date November 20, 2008
AKA Santa Claus Defeats the Aliens
Movie Director Nicholas Webster
Year 1964
Cast John Call
Leonard Hicks
Vincent Beck
Bill McCutcheon
Pia Zadora
Preceded by Legacy of Blood
Followed by Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks

The Movie[]


Martians, upset that their children have become obsessed with TV shows from Earth that extol the virtues of Santa Claus, start an expedition to Earth to kidnap the one and only Santa. While on Earth, they kidnap two children, who lead the group of Martians to the North Pole and Santa. The Martians then take Santa and the two children back to Mars with them. Voldar, a particularly grumpy Martian, attempts to do away with the children and Santa before they get to Mars, but their leader Lomas stops him. When they arrive on Mars, Santa, with the help of the two Earth children and a rather simple-minded Martian lackey, overcomes the Martians by bringing fun, happiness, and Christmas cheer to the children of Mars.[1]


The Episode[]

Strange Interludes[]

Prologue: Walk to the theater It's Christmas at the complex! Todd (Dave "Gruber" Allen) discusses the team's RSVPs for the (mandatory) holiday party and Trace runs panicking at the name of the movie.

Interruption 1: Joel's present exchange Joel starts handing out cool gifts until Josh suspects that they are only "two dimensional silhouettes of really awesome presents."

Additional Cast[]

  • Arne Knudsen as Security Guard
  • Sean Spillane as Security Guard

Quotes & References[]

  • Trace:"You don't get the Arnold Leeds, those are for closers!"

This is a reference to a line in Glenngarry Glenn Ross, in which a group of cutthroat real estate salesmen are arguing over who will be given the more promising leads for potential customers.

  • Joel: "Animation by Mr. Woopee and the 3DBB!"

Phineas J. Whoopee is fictional character from the Tennessee Tuxedo segments that would air during the cartoon show Underdog. Whoopee was a college professor and known as "The Man with All the Answers". His lectures were illustrated and animated on the Three Dimensional Blackboard (3DBB for short), that he would retrieve out of an avalanche of junk from his overstuffed hallway closet.

  • Trace: "In the skies over North Vietnam, a young John McCain dreams of the presidency. Distracting him for only a moment as an interceptor missile STREAKS TOWARD HIS AIRCRAFT! OH MY GOD! AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

Trace is referring to the incident in which Air Force pilot John McCain (later a US Senator and Presidential candidate) was shot down over Vietnam and became a POW.

  • Trace: "The mighty B-52: back-bone of the Strategic Air Command! Its belly full of atomic death! Keeping America safe and the rest of the world scared shit-less."
  • A refueling plane flies away from a bomber.Trace: "Wait! You forgot President Harrison Ford!"

Trace is likening the scene to a similar one in the film Air Force One.

Video Release[]

  • A DVD was released in 2008. It is no longer in production but is available second-hand through several online venues.
  • A Boxed Set with all Cinematic Titanic recorded presentations was released by Shout! Factory in 2017.
  • It can be streamed for free at and